https://twitter.com/rammelhawking
He tried to get his own book entitled, Ram, The Magnificient, by extorting me with the threat of opening his own twitter account. When I refused to comply, he made good on the blackmail.
There’s no one more pig headed or strong willed. So I can only hope that I can stay close behind with effective damage control because there’s just no telling what he will say.
– Victoria
by Victoria Danann
me: Sir Hawking, it’s such a pleasure to interview you again. A lot has happened since the last time we talked.
Ram: Aye. Some good. Some bad.
me: Yes. Well, that’s life.
Ram: No. ‘Tis no’ life. ‘Tis commercial fiction that has us runnin’ all over the Western world barely recoverin’ from one horrendous injury before you have us doin’ bleedin’ sheet time again. And, when I say “bleedin'”, ’tis meant literally.
me: Yes. I know, but let’s focus on the great things that have happened. You’ve been inducted into the Hall of Heroes. You’ve got a beautiful, healthy, charismatic baby boy…
Ram: I’m no’ complainin’ about Helm and you know it. He’s bloomin’ perfection. ‘Tis the hero thin’ that turned out dubious because now my wife thinks I should conduct myself with a certain decorum befittin’ the honor. Great Paddy.
me: She’s very proud of you.
Ram: (He smiles.)
me: See? Your life isn’t so bad.
Ram: It has its moments. But you’re always trickin’ us into believin’ we’re doin’ one thin’ and then you sprin’ somethin’ entirely different on us and we’re goin’ in a bloody different direction. We never have a chance to decide if we’re comin’ or goin’.
me: Give me an example.
Ram: You think I can no’ come up with one? Right off the top of my head? How ’bout this? You led us to believe we were retirin’. Gonna enjoy life! Fruit of the vine and all that. So I’m busy bustin’ hump to get Elora’s dream home finished before the baby comes. Matter of fact that’s where I was when she was bein’ attacked by fuckers from her dimension of origin.
me: (I have to laugh.) Dimension of origin?
Ram: Aye. You have a problem with me callin’ it that, Mistress?
me: No. Not at all. It’s just that the phrase “dimension of origin” seems so politically correct and academic. I guess I wouldn’t have had you say that because I would have thought it was out of character.
Ram: (Scowls.) You think I’m no’ bright?
me: Of course I don’t think that! You wouldn’t have made it through Black Swan training if you weren’t smart.
Ram: (Nods) Exactly right. In the future, if you’re wantin’ to know what is or is no’ in “character” for me, then just ask me. ‘Tis what you should have been doin’ all along anyhow.
me: Quite right. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that.
Ram: Because your vanity does no’ have limits.
me: Did you enjoy that?
Ram: (grins)
me: Okay. If it makes you feel better to say such things to me, go ahead.
Ram: Well, if you’re serious, I have quite a lengthy list of thin’s I’d like to say to you.
me: (My turn to show him a third finger.)
Ram: (grins)
me: This might be a good time to switch topics. You’ve collected quite a fan base since the last time we talked.
Ram: Really?
me: Yes. You’re the focus of nocturnal fantasies for a growing chunk of the fairer sex.
Ram: Fairer sex, is it? I do no’ believe women are especially fair. Selfish or self-involved maybe.
me: No, Ram. The expression doesn’t mean fairness as in justice. It means the prettier sex.
Ram: Duh! It was a joke!
me: Well, forgive me a moment of being uncharacteristically dense.
Ram: (Laughs and shakes his head.) You probably think bein’ dense is “out of character” for you.
me: (blink, blink) What does that mean?
Ram: Have you seriously never considered that you may be just one of the characters in this story? ‘Tis your job to play the spy who lurks and journals on what those of us with real lives say and do.
me: Is that what you think?
Ram: (smiles) Nah. I’m just fuckin’ with you.
me: Okay. Back to your fans…
Ram: Look. I do no’ want to seem rude or unnecessarily conceited, but attractin’ the fairer sex has never been a problem for me. ‘Tis no’ very surprisin’ that some would like to picture themselves in my mate’s position. (He chuckles.) Or maybe I should say positions.
me: Hmmm. No doubt. Well, let’s wrap this up. Why don’t you tell me where you see yourself in five years.
Ram: (narrows his eyes) ‘Tis a trick? I tell you what I’d like so you can make sure it does no’ happen?
me: You know it truly hurts that you think I’m so devious. Of course I want to see you get your happily ever after.
Ram: If I’m feelin’ distrustful of you, ’tis entirely your own fault. Reapin’ what you sow, you know.
me: Okay.
Ram: I’d like us to be home on the farm, feeling safe and secure, raising elfren and Alsatian dogs. I want my mate happy every second of every day. She deserves it.
me: I’ll see what I can do.
5/25/2013 Moonlight Release
Victoria: Well, Sir Hawking. Always a pleasure.
Ram: So you say.
Victoria: Come on. For once could we just have a quiet and cordial conversation? Can I make you tea?
Ram: (slouches in chair and gives me a look of incredulity, which is distracting because the slouch posture is very sexy and I’m supposed to be concentrating on the interview and not another woman’s husband) ‘Tis your best plan for makin’ up to me? Fuckin’ tea?
Victoria: Well, uh, I can’t say that I actually had a plan per se. Did you have something else in mind? Something you wanted?
Ram: You know perfectly well what I want.
Victoria: I know it probably seems that way, but it’s not entirely true. I suspect that you want to go back to your little bit of Irish heaven with Elora, Helm, and Blackie and raise Alsatian dogs in quiet familial bliss.
Ram: Could no’ have said it better myself. Like I said, you know perfectly well what the fuck I want.
Victoria: Yes, but are you sure? I mean you lived a pretty tumultuous life as a vampire slayer. You’re the most celebrated Black Swan knight of the last hundred years. That’s a lot of excitement to trade in for life on the farm.
Ram: Aye. And I can no’ wait to be doin’ precisely that. You, mistress, have the power to make that happen with a simple stroke of the pen. Or click of the keyboard or whatever.
Victoria: I could, but here’s the thing. I saw the little smile and the dark twinkle in your eyes when I was just talking about you as legendary hunter. I know you love the recognition. Remember how you felt when Elora gushed all over you, repeatedly. “Oh, Ram, your portrait is so handsome, your beauty captured for all time here, where you belong, in the Hall of Heroes. You’re perfection personified. So special, so unique, unlike any other.” (I delivered this paraphrase in an exaggerated mock-Elora voice.)
Ram: (laughing) Aye, you have me there, mistress. Who would no’ fuckin’ crave hearin’ such thin’s from his beautiful mate?
Victoria: Everyone longs for that sort of attention, Ram. The point is that you don’t get that sort of attention down home on the farm.
Ram: Perhaps ‘no. But as was pointed out in Book Five in a tussle over whether or no’ Storm and I would be playin’ rugby, I’m no’ gettin’ younger. Will you be gettin’ me sliced up in bar fights when I’m ninety then? Give the others their fair chance at sheet time.
Victoria: But you’re my favorite, Ram.
Ram: (gaping) And bein’ your favorite means always bein’ one fuckin’ step away from catastrophe?
Victoria: Well… yes. Fact is, slogging about in Wellies feeding chickens and watering wolf-dogs is not novel-worthy because, well, because it’s not novel.
Ram: For the moment, let’s be leavin’ me out o’ the discussion. What about my wife? The injuries you’ve visited on me are paper cuts next to what you do to her. Great Paddy in the Mornin’. The way you punish her is beyond… (stops abruptly, narrows eyes, then pins me with a glare) So I’m your favorite, am I? Are you jealous of my wife?
Victoria: What? Of course not!
Ram: Jealous enough to be punishin’ her in unspeakable ways?
Victoria: No! Ram! Do you hear yourself? That’s crazy talk.
Ram: Oh? ‘Twas you who’s so fond o’ sayin’ the simplest explanation is probably the correct one. And that is, without a doubt, the simplest explanation.
Victoria: This is an exception to that rule.
Ram: After everythin’ she went through to reach my world, you would think a writer with heart would be seekin’ to brin’ her only happiness.
Victoria: Again, happiness without incident? Not interesting.
Ram: Cold-hearted bitch. Tell your husband I said ‘tis unbelievable you snagged a mate.
Victoria: If that was true, the cold-hearted bitch part, shouldn’t you be trying to suck up to me instead of insulting me?
Ram: Well, then I would no’ be the hot-blooded rash personality you’re so hot for, would I?
Victoria: (nothing to say to that)
Ram: So here’s my proposition. If you want me to continue cooperatin’ with your farfetched ridiculous pain-in-the-ass stories that no one in their right mind would be believin’, which – by the way – says quite a lo’ about your readers, then you will lay off my wife. AND my child.
Victoria: First, my readers are perfectly sane. They have excellent taste in literature and marvelous creative imaginations.
Ram: (smirks)
Victoria: You may be my favorite, at least you were before this interview, but the Black Swan saga is Elora’s story. I can’t make promises about the entire future of the tale, but I can promise you that Elora and Helm pass through Book Six without injury. How’s that?
Ram: (considers) How ‘bout me?
Victoria: (seeing the opportunity for pay back, smiles wickedly) You, my love, will have to wait and see.
Ram: Paddy.
Victoria: Exactly.
9/19/2013 RELEASE DAY GATHERING STORM
An Update with Rammel Hawking
by Victoria Danann
me: Sir Hawking, it’s such a pleasure to interview you again. A lot has happened since the last time we talked.
Ram: Aye. Some good. Some bad.
me: Yes. Well, that’s life.
Ram: No. ‘Tis no’ life. ‘Tis commercial fiction that has us runnin’ all over the Western world barely recovering from one horrendous injury before you have us doin’ bleedin’ sheet time again. And, when I say “bleedin'”, ’tis meant literally.
me: Yes. I know, but let’s focus on the great things that have happened. You’ve been inducted into the Hall of Heroes. You’ve got a beautiful, healthy, charismatic baby boy…
Ram: I’m no’ complainin’ about Helm and you know it. He’s bloomin’ perfection. ‘Tis the hero thin’ that turned out dubious because now my wife thinks I should conduct myself with a certain decorum befittin’ the honor. Great Paddy. .
me: She’s very proud of you.
Ram: (He smiles.)
me: You see. Your life isn’t so bad.
Ram: It has its moments. But you’re always trickin’ us into believin’ we’re doin’ one thin’ and then you sprin’ somethin’ entirely different on us and we’re goin’ in a bloody different direction. We never have a chance to decide if we’re comin’ or goin’.
me: Give me an example.
Ram: You think I can no’ come up with one? Right off the top of my head? How ’bout this? You led us to believe we were retirin’. Gonna enjoy life! Fruit of the vine and all that. So I’m busy bustin’ hump to get Elora’s dream home finished before the baby comes. Matter of fact that’s where I was when she was bein’ attacked by fuckers from her dimension of origin.
me: (I have to laugh.) Dimension of origin?
Ram: Aye. You have a problem with me callin’ it that, Mistress?
me: No. Not at all. It’s just that the phrase “dimension of origin” seems so politically correct and academic. I guess I wouldn’t have had you say that because I would have thought it was out of character.
Ram: (Scowls.) You think I’m no’ bright?
me: Of course I don’t think that! You wouldn’t have made it through Black Swan training if you weren’t smart.
Ram: (Nods) Exactly right. In the future, if you’re wantin’ to know what is or is no’ in “character” for me, then just ask me. ‘Tis what you should have been doin’ all along anyhow.
me: Quite right. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that.
Ram: Because your vanity does no’ have limits.
me: Did you enjoy that?
Ram: (grins)
me: Okay. If it makes you feel better to say such things to me, go ahead.
Ram: Well, if you’re serious, I have quite a lengthy list of thin’s I’d like to say to you.
me: (My turn to show him a third finger.)
Ram: (grins)
me: This might be a good time to switch topics. You’ve collected quite a fan base since the last time we talked.
Ram: Really?
me: Yes. You’re the focus of nocturnal fantasies for a growing chunk of the fairer sex.
Ram: Fairer sex, is it? I do no’ believe women are especially fair. Selfish or self-involved maybe.
me: No, Ram. The expression doesn’t mean fairness as in justice. It means the prettier sex.
Ram: Duh! It was a joke!
me: Well, forgive me a moment of being uncharacteristically dense.
Ram: (Laughs and shakes his head.) You probably think bein’ dense is “out of character” for you.
me: (blink, blink) What does that mean?
Ram: Have you seriously never considered that you may be just one of the characters in this story? ‘Tis your job to play the spy who lurks and journals on what those of us with real lives say and do.
me: Is that what you think?
Ram: (smiles) Nah. I’m just fuckin’ with you.
me: Okay. Back to your fans…
Ram: Look. I do no’ want to seem rude or unnecessarily conceited, but attractin’ the fairer sex has never been a problem for me. ‘Tis no’ very surprisin’ that some would like to picture themselves in my mate’s position. (He chuckles.) Or maybe I should say positions.
me: Hmmm. No doubt. Well, let’s wrap this up. Why don’t you tell me where you see yourself in five years.
Ram: (narrows his eyes) ‘Tis a trick? I tell you what I’d like so you can make sure it does no’ happen?
me: You know it truly hurts that you think I’m so devious. Of course I want to see you get your happily ever after.
Ram: If I’m feelin’ distrustful of you, ’tis entirely your own fault. Reapin’ what you sow, you know.
me: Okay.
Ram: I’d like us to be home on the farm, feeling safe and secure, raising elfren and Alsatian dogs. I want my mate happy every second of every day. She deserves it.
me: I’ll see what I can do.
Why, that would be My Familiar Stranger, of course. Christmas expressed as Yule because it is an alternate dimension.
My Familiar Stranger can be downloaded for FREE at any of these links:
AMAZON.COM http://www.amazon.com/My-Familiar-Stranger-Paranormal-ebook/dp/B007V8RAKW/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
BARNES & NOBLE: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/my-familiar-stranger-a-paranormal-romance-victoria-danann/1113594093?ean=2940045052818
iTUNES: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/my-familiar-stranger-paranormal/id576452347?mt=11
SMASHWORDS: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/153078
HAPPY HOPPING and visit all these blogs participating.
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14.
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A Conversation (Intervention) with Rammel Hawkingme: Sir Hawking, it’s such a pleasure to get to interview you in person.
Ram: (third finger)
me: (sigh) Okay. What is this about?
Ram: Well, forgive me if I do no’ sound polite, but I can no’ say ’tis a pleasure bein’ interviewed by you.
me: Why not?
Ram: Why no’ indeed. I only agreed because of the chance to say fuck you in person.
me: Okay. What exactly is the problem? You did end up with everything you ever wanted, didn’t you?
Ram: Aye. No’ denyin’ that. My problem is not with endin’s. ‘Tis with the bloody well fucked up middles.
me: I see.
Ram: No. You do no’ see. You sit there in your tidy, little, safe, air conditioned version of reality without a single bloody care for what you are puttin’ me through. Have you ever had a broken rib? It hurts! Do you know that?
me: Well, I…
Ram: You write like ’tis nothin’. And ’tis nothin’ compared to a concussion and a hundred and forty three stitches. How would you like to have to face your mother lookin’ like that?
me: Um, that doesn’t happen until Book Two, The Witch’s Dream which was just released today.
Ram: So just because they have no’ read about it yet means it did no’ happen? (chuffs) My mother cried for hours when she saw me lookin’ like this. That was a bloody fun time I can tell you.
me: I’m, uh, sorry. I didn’t realize she would take it so hard…
Ram: Come to think of it, I should have brought her with me. (evil smile)
And what about that bit between me and my da – when he asks how the other fella looks? And you make me say the other fella got away with no’ so much as a scratch? To add insult to injury you made me smile while I said it! So then he asks me to explain how it happened and I have to tell the fuck all, king da’ of Elfdom that I got a hundred and forty three stitches in a knife fight in a bar!
me: (sigh) I admit that was an understatement but, technically, it was true. You did sustain your injuries in a knife fight in a bar.
Ram: (gaping) You are cold as Paddy’s feet on a February morn.
me: Now wait a minute…
Ram: Just gettin’ started.
me: Oh here we go. (Muttering to myself at this point.)
Ram: Can you even begin to imagine that three months feels like an eternity when you’re an elf waitin’ on his mate to make up her mind?
me: Well, I have a pretty good imagination…
Ram: Oh? You can imagine how it feels to have a ragin’ cockstand for weeks on end that does no’ even wane when you sleep? Balls achin’ like they’re bein’ squeezed. Just how is it exactly that you can imagine that, Mistress? How about this one? Can you imagine how it feels to wake and find your love lookin’ back at you with vampire blues? Let me tell you how it feels. Your insides go completely cold. When that chemical hits the bloodstream it truly does feel like ice in your veins.
me: I’m sure that was a very unpleasant experience…
Ram: Unpleasant? You really are a stonehearted bitch. I feel like kickin’ the legs out from under your chair.
me: (Trying not to laugh.) I was feeling really bad for you, and a little guilty, right up until you just threatened to dump me on my can. Which was very un-knight-like behavior. I never would have written you that way.
Ram: Oh no? Well, I have a surprise or two and here’s the first. You’re fired.
me: You can’t fire me, Ram. I’m the Creator.
Ram: You know, you sounded just like her when you said that. ‘Tis very disconcertin’.
me: Well, you know there’s probably something of me in every one of the characters.
Ram: Characters, is it? “Tis all we are to you? (Looks like his feelings are hurt then curses in Irish under his breath.) Right. Well, that explains a lot. You want to know who’s the real villain in your stupid stories?
me: I see where you’re going with this, but, Rammel, writing villains is not the same thing as being a villain. My stories are just a reflection of life.
Ram: (sneers) Aye. A House of Mirrors reflection.
me: Well, yes. Otherwise, it’s called the daily news. How about this? I’ll give you a reprieve and visit the less pleasant stuff on somebody else for awhile.
Ram: You do no’ seem to be gettin’ it. ‘Tis no’ up to you anymore. Consider this an intervention. You’re hurtin’ people. ‘Tis goin’ to stop.
me: Okay, look, everything you say is true, but you’ve left out the other side. And I really do love you. Probably more than any other of you, uh…
Ram: (narrows his eyes) …characters. I might be willin’ to let bygones go, but it works both ways.
me: What does?
Ram: I know what you’re thinkin’. I heard your twisted mind riflin’ through possibles and sortin’ out what you’re plannin’ to do to us in Book Three.
me: You did? (I swallow.)
Ram: Aye. And some of it ’tis nothin’ less than sick. We’re all thinkin’ perhaps ’tis time for you to see someone.
(My husband walked in just as I was concluding this interview. He asked what I was doing and, without really thinking it through, I made the mistake of telling him the truth after which he replied that he had always wondered how I can be content to be alone for extended periods of time only to find out that I only appeared to be by myself.)
